In another forum where I was very active ... someone not long ago asked me how I knew so much. I posted this reply on Christmas Eve of 2010. Little did I know at the time that it would turn into what you see now. I hope you enjoy the "alternative version" of why I started "The Mattress Underground" as much as I enjoyed writing it ...

 "Phoenix - how do you know so much? DId you work for a mattress manufacturer??? What makes you an expert?"

 I guess it's time that I should fully disclose my background

I used to be part of the illuminati. There has been a conspiracy originating from the days of straw mattresses that is part of a multi layered plan to subjugate humanity. There are gelatinous creatures from another galaxy involved. Part of the plan is to make the human race sick and tired by convincing them to sleep on mattresses that don't work. People who are sick and tired can't fight back.

There are many people who are well aware of this plan who either work for "S" companies or who run websites masquerading as mattress experts. Most of them are hybrids that look somewhat human but really aren't. Many of these have no backbone so they really don't care what they or anyone else sleep on. They have been promised positions of great power and wealth in the new world that will follow if they will help convince the human race to sleep on mattresses that are no good for them.

I used to be one of these hybrids. From my earliest days I was taught the intricacies of mattress construction so that one day I could help make mattresses that would contribute to the master plan. I was proud of my heritage and my spineless nature and took to my destiny with enthusiasm and dedication. The parental genetic material from which I was developed was very proud of me.

Then one day, when I was in my early 20's, I started to notice some changes in my body. Something hard and thin was growing inside me and kept getting longer and longer. It began to affect my life in many ways including how I slept. When I could no longer deny that I had a problem or keep it hidden, I went back to the lab where I was born and was told that I was growing a backbone. Apparently, the genetic material from which I was developed had a retrograde mutation and I was reverting back to becoming human.

At first I was devastated as it was clear that I was a misfit and as my condition became worse and worse (and more and more noticeable) I also became the subject of jokes and derision from my peers. In my shame, I ran away and hid and slept on whatever I could find in the forest and the fields where I was hiding. Much to my surprise, these natural materials were more comfortable to me than anything I had grown up with.

As I slowly became more fully human, I met others who were more like me and ended up falling in love with a beautiful soul who was the most perfect combination of softness and firmness that I had ever laid my eyes (or my body) on. She was also the most supportive being I had ever known. Her name was "Latex". As we got to know each other better, she shared with me that she was part of the "mattress underground" which was a human organization dedicated to making mattresses that would help reverse the effects of sleeping on "S" mattresses and revitalize a sick and tired humanity. We were soon married and with my knowledge from my upbringing and her desire to resist the impending doom that was facing humanity, we decided to work together and help people find mattresses that would give them a chance of survival against the coming onslaught.

The rest as they say is his(and her)story. Our efforts, along with those of many others like us, are just part of a growing counterinsurgency that we hope will one day restore humanity to peaceful sleep and fully functional wakefulness and in doing so, give all of us a chance to fulfil our true destiny.


Phoenix and Latex

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